This article was inspired by a podcast I listened to recently about our relationship with effort. It got me thinking about energy in a slightly different way — not just how much we’re doing, but where we’re putting our energy and whether it’s going towards the things that really matter to us.

There are days when I feel like I've done nothing particularly demanding, yet I'm absolutely knackered.

I've not run a marathon. I've not spent eight hours doing physical work. I've probably sat down more than I would have liked. And yet, by the end of the day, I have nothing left. Sounds familiar?

We tend to think of energy in fairly simple terms. We have things to do, and those things require energy. The more we do, the more tired we become. But what if it's not quite that straightforward? What if some of our exhaustion comes from where we're putting our energy, rather than simply how much we're doing?

Not all effort looks like effort

When we talk about effort, we often think about the obvious things. Going for a run. Doing a workout. Working late. Cleaning the house. Getting through a busy day. But effort isn't just physical. There's also the mental effort of concentrating, planning, remembering, making decisions and keeping all the plates spinning, which you may call mental load.

And then there's emotional effort. Keeping your cool when you're irritated, trying to stay positive. feeling guilty for resting, or being there for everyone else when you're running on empty.

None of these things necessarily look like hard work from the outside. But they can still take a lot out of you.

You might have had a relatively quiet day and still feel exhausted because your mind has been busy all day. Or you might have spent the day doing things for other people, managing everyone's needs, and only realised how depleted you were when you finally sat down.

Just because something doesn't look demanding doesn't mean it isn't costing you energy.

And this is worth remembering when you find yourself thinking, “Why am I so tired? I've barely done anything.”

The pressure to always be doing more

We're surrounded by messages telling us to make the most of ourselves. Work harder. Exercise more. Eat better. Get stronger. Be more productive. Make time for friends. Learn something new. And don’t forget to look after yourself.

And if we're not doing all of that? Well, there always seems to be another podcast, book or Instagram post telling us how we could be doing better. And I’m not judging anyone here, I myself rely a lot on books and podcasts, and the hope that I may stumble on a magic-ish, quick stretching/breathing exercise or snack that I didn’t know of, and that can improve my energy and/or regulate my nervous system.

I love learning and I'm all for looking after ourselves. But there's a point where trying to improve every area of our lives becomes exhausting in itself.

We can end up spending so much energy trying to be the person we're supposed to be that we forget to ask ourselves what we actually want. Do I really want to do this? Does it matter to me? Is it helping me feel better in the long run? Or am I doing it because I think I should?

Where is your energy actually going?

Sometimes the problem isn’t simply that we’re doing too much. It’s that our energy is being quietly drained in lots of places throughout the day. Some of these are obvious: a packed diary, poor sleep, trying to fit in a workout when you’re already exhausted, or taking on more than you realistically have time for.

But some are much less visible.

The mental load of constantly thinking about what needs to be done. The endless small decisions. Checking your phone when you meant to switch off. Worrying about things you can’t control. Trying to keep everyone else happy. Feeling like you should be eating better, exercising more, getting to bed earlier, drinking more water, meditating… and somehow doing it all consistently.

None of these things seem particularly significant on their own. But together, they can add up to a surprisingly large energy bill.

And sometimes we put a lot of energy into things simply because we think we should.

So it can be useful to ask yourself: Is this actually important to me, or am I spending energy on it because I feel I should? Is there a way I could make this easier? What could I stop, reduce, delegate or do differently?

You don’t necessarily need to remove everything that takes effort from your life. Some of the things that matter to us will always require effort. The aim is to become a little more intentional about where that effort — and your limited energy — goes.

The difference between doing less and doing what matters

Now, this isn't an argument for doing nothing. Some of the best things in life require effort.

Relationships need attention. Learning something new takes practice. Looking after our bodies takes some consistency. Sometimes we need to have a difficult conversation, even when we'd rather avoid it.

And sometimes life is simply demanding. There are seasons when we have to put in more effort than we'd like.

The point isn't to avoid anything difficult. It's to stop treating effort as automatically good, because there's a difference between Is this something that genuinely matters to me, or am I putting energy into it because I think I should?

The first might be a worthwhile challenge. The second might be a sign that something needs to change.

Small efforts count

One of the ideas I found particularly interesting in this podcast was the emphasis on small, regular efforts. Not dramatic changes. Not pushing yourself to the limit every day.

Just doing a little, consistently, in a way that feels manageable.

Think about movement. If you're exhausted, the answer might not be a demanding new fitness programme. It might be a ten-minute walk, some gentle mobility or a short session that you actually enjoy.

Think about food. You don't need to completely overhaul your diet. Perhaps you could start by making breakfast a little more satisfying, preparing something for tomorrow's lunch or adding a source of protein and fibre to a meal.

Think about sleep. You might not be able to control when your children wake up or how busy life is. But perhaps you can create a small wind-down habit that gives you a better chance of switching off.

Small doesn't mean pointless. It means you're choosing an effort you can actually sustain. And consistency is often more useful than going all in for a week, burning out, and then starting again.

But don't forget the other half: ease

This is the bit I think we sometimes miss. We talk about habits, consistency and making progress. But we also need moments when we're not trying to achieve anything.

Not every walk needs to count as exercise, and not every meal needs to be optimised.

Sometimes you need to sit down with a cup of tea, watch something you enjoy, have a chat with a friend or simply do nothing for a while, without letting that familiar feeling of guilt creep in.

And you don't need to earn that time by having completed your to-do list. Rest isn't a reward for doing enough. It's part of looking after yourself. There's also something to be said for enjoying things that don't have a measurable benefit.

So, where is your energy going?

If you're feeling tired, it can be tempting to look for another thing to add. Another supplement. Another routine. Another healthy habit. Another thing to fix.

But before you add anything else to your list, perhaps take a moment to look at what's already there.

Ask yourself:

What takes up most of my energy at the moment?
Which things leave me feeling better, even if they require effort?
Which things leave me drained without much to show for it?
Am I doing anything because I genuinely want to, or because I think I should?
Where am I putting pressure on myself that I could perhaps reduce?
What could I make a little easier?

You don't need to change everything.

You might simply notice that you're spending too much energy trying to eat perfectly, when what would actually help is having a few easy meals you enjoy. Or that you're pushing yourself to exercise when what your body needs is a gentler approach for a while. Or that you're saying yes to too many things and need to protect a little more space in your week.

These are useful things to notice, and a great skill to have in life.

The takeaway

I don't think the answer to feeling exhausted is always to do less. Sometimes it's to do less of the things that don't matter, and make more space for the things that do.

Sometimes it's to make the effort smaller, and sometimes it's to stop avoiding something that matters to you. And sometimes it's simply to give yourself permission to rest.

The goal isn't a life without effort. It's a life where your effort is going towards things that matter, in a way that doesn't leave you completely depleted.

So, if you're feeling tired at the moment, perhaps ask yourself: “What is one thing I could stop putting so much energy into?”, and then: “What would I rather have a little more energy for?”

You don't need to have all the answers today. But you might find that looking at your energy in a slightly different way changes what you choose to do next.

If you're a busy woman who feels like you're constantly running on empty, I can help you make practical changes to your food, lifestyle and habits so you can feel more energised without adding another impossible routine to your life.

Get in touch